Mark 10:1-12 Soft Hearts Save Marriages
Good morning! Praise God for short memories! You forgot how brutal last week’s text was so you came back!
We are continuing in the Gospel of Mark with chapter 10, verses 1-12, page 845 in the pew Bibles. And we are going to be looking at a very popular topic, and that is Jesus’ teaching on divorce.
This is by no means an easy topic to deal with. I know many of you have dealt with this personally or at the very least know someone who has, or are possibly even going through this right now or are walking with loved ones who are. I’m not going to apologize for it but I want you to know that I recognize that this may be a difficult word for you today.
So let’s look at the text and then we’ll pray together.
And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.
2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Let’s pray
So Jesus and the disciples make their way south from Galilee down to Judea and a region to the east of the Jordan River called Perea. This region was still under the Jurisdiction of Herod Antipas which has a great deal to do with the question that the Pharisees brought to Jesus.
As you may remember, Herod Antipas was the same Herod that had John the Baptist imprisoned for condemning his divorcing his wife and marrying his own brother’s ex-wife, Herodias, which eventually led to John’s execution by beheading at the request of Herodias’ daughter. *yuck*
So you see, if Jesus came right out and condemned divorcing one’s wife it could put Him in danger from Herod.
But also among the Jews there were two prevailing schools of thought about divorce. On the one hand, the teaching of Rabbi Shammai who said that a man could divorce his wife only if she had been unfaithful to him, and on the other hand, the teaching of Rabbi Hillel who said that a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all, even burning his dinner.
This was a total setup where Jesus could not answer the question in a way that would not either divide His own followers or bring Him under the condemnation of Herod. But it was even worse than that!
Their question was very carefully worded, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
If Jesus said, “no, it’s not lawful for a man to divorce his wife,” they would accuse Him of breaking the Law because of their interpretation of Deuteronomy 24, which we will look at in a minute.
If Jesus said, “yes, it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife,” The Pharisees would accuse Him of not being a prophet of God but a panderer to men.
There was no right answer for Jesus to give, so He did what He does. He asked them a question in response to their question.
Jesus ignored the debates of the day and focused on the Word of God, we can all take a lesson from that on just about every issue! We can also take a lesson from the Pharisees on what not to do. Don’t come to Jesus with a question that you’ve already answered in your own mind and expect Him to bow to your will or else expose Himself as a fraud. When we come to Jesus with our questions we must come to Him humbly desiring to know the mind of God on the matter and be satisfied with the answer that God’s Word gives. As John Calvin wrote, “What is sought in opposition to God’s Word is not a remedy.”
2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”
Notice the different words that get used there. Jesus asked what Moses commanded, but they could only respond with what Moses allowed.
Moses acknowledged the presence of divorce in Israel but he didn’t institute it nor did he authorize it. He did, however, allow a man to write a certificate of divorce for his wife and send her away. The letter of divorce was not freedom for the husband, but it was protection for the wife.
Adultery in Israel was a capital offense, both adulterer and adulteress were to be stoned to death. By writing a certificate of divorce the husband was attesting that the wife was free from guilt of adultery.
So does that make divorce lawful? Before you jump to a response, listen to what else Jesus had to say.
5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Some of these words should sound familiar to you, they are recited at every Christian wedding! This is a wonderful reminder of God’s design for marriage, not a contract of temporary convenience but rather a covenant of mutual fidelity to a lifelong union before God.
Jesus said that Moses allowed men to divorce their wives due to their hardness of heart, a stubborn unwillingness to trust God in the midst of their circumstances.
This stands in stark contrast to the sentimental excuses given for splitting up a marriage. “it just wasn’t working out, we’ve grown apart, we’re just too different…” the list goes on, but the reality remains the same, hardness of heart is the issue.
Marriages depend on softness of heart, on humility, on selflessness, service, on love. Marriages depend on humble dependence on God and recognition of the need for God’s intervention in the relationship.
Simple, but not always easy.
Warren Wiersbe wrote, “The Lord then took them back beyond Moses to the record of the original creation. After all, in the beginning, it was God who established marriage, and he has the right to make the rules. According to Scripture, marriage is between a man and a woman, not two men or two women; and the relationship is sacred and permanent. It is the most intimate union in the human race, for the two become one flesh. This is not true of father and son or mother and daughter, but it is true of a man and wife.”
6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
What the Pharisees wanted was to trap Jesus and cost Him either His followers or His freedom. What they got instead was Jesus’ endorsement of God’s design for marriage: One man, one woman, one flesh, one lifetime.
Roy Zuck wrote, “As ‘one flesh’ [husband and wife] form a new unit comprising a sexually intimate, all-encompassing couple just as indissoluble in God’s present creation order as a blood relationship between parent and child.”
The disciples, those sharp, perceptive, incredibly intelligent, scholars… didn’t get it. So Jesus spelled it out in crayon for them…
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
It doesn’t get any plainer than that, but we still question it, don’t we?
When questioned on divorce, even though it was intended to be a trap, Jesus honored and upheld the Scripture in His response, He pointed to the Law-giver and His scribe, God the Father and Moses His prophet, and the Word of God did exactly what it always does, it exposes sin and drives us to grace.
God’s created order was, and is, and always will be: one man, one woman, one flesh, one lifetime.
Jesus simply reminded the Pharisees what the Scripture says, and it says that marriage was created by God and is defined by God.
And this answers the question, is divorce a sin? The answer is, yes, divorce is a sin, it always has been and always will be.
It also answers the question, is adultery a sin, having sexual relations with someone to whom you are not married or who is married to someone else? The answer is, yes, sex outside of marriage is a sin.
It also answers the question, is gay marriage a sin? The answer is, yes, it is, it is a violation of God’s created order and definition of marriage.
It also answers the question, is polygamy a sin, having multiple spouses at once? Yes, polygamy is also a sin, it is a violation of God’s order and definition of marriage.
But the most important question to consider, and you may be wondering this already, or have wrestled with it in the past: are these sins unforgivable? The answer is, no, they are not.
Ray Steadman said, “I know that when I am addressing an audience this large, some in it will have gone through divorce, perhaps with adultery involved. I do not intend to impose a sense of condemnation on anyone. But I do want to make clear what Jesus said -- that divorce is sin -- no if's, and's, or but's about it. Divorce is a violation of God's intention for marriage. It always is, and it always involves some form of sin. But thank God, although that is what the Law says, grace comes in to tell us that sin can be forgiven. There is the possibility of restoration, of healing, of God's beginning again the work of creating oneness -- either with the same couple, or perhaps as each goes on to a different union, they will have learned lessons which will facilitate the beauty of relationship that God has in mind.”
Sin is not to be celebrated, it is to be repented of, turned from, allowing the grace of God to cleanse you from it. That’s why Jesus came in the first place and gave His life on the cross, so that God, in His grace, would only see Jesus when He looks at us, and we, through faith in Him would find healing and restoration.
Whenever people are involved there are always problems, successful marriages aren’t marriages without problems. Successful marriages are those that two people, together, with soft hearts and a great measure of grace, overcome those problems to God’s glory.
Amen.
