1 Peter 3:1-7 Submission as Spouses
Isaiah 51:1-2, Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the Lord: look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug. 2 Look to Abraham your father and to Sarah who bore you; for he was but one when I called him, that I might bless him and multiply him.
Good morning! We are returning to 1 Peter this morning and wrapping up our mini-series, the three spheres of submission. We began with submission as citizens, followed by submission as servants, and now we will look at submission as spouses.
You can turn with me to 1 Peter 3:1-7, page 1015 in the pew Bibles.
Far too often we bristle at the thought of submitting our wills and welfare to the rule of others. This is by far one of my least favorite things, submitting to people or policies that I feel are inferior or foolish just grinds my gears. But the truth of the matter is that Christ is our example. Jesus had more reason to refuse to submit to the will of others more than any man that has ever lived, yet He willingly submitted to the mocking, beating, and crucifying of unworthy men. And He did so for the joy set before Him of seeing us reunited by faith with our Heavenly Father.
So if Jesus submitted, we should submit. We are to submit as citizens to the authorities put in place over us by God, we are to submit as servants to our earthly masters, to our employers or others that we serve, and we are to submit as spouses to the husbands or wives that the Lord has blessed us with.
Again, Peter didn’t include chapter and verse numbers when he first wrote this letter so there was no big number three in his original text, he just picked up where he left off with servants submitting to their masters.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Let’s pray.
I often get nervous about preaching passages such as this. I don’t revel in the thought of suggesting that we may need to reshuffle our priorities in order to please the Lord. Even in the last few weeks I have been asked my opinion about some controversial topics, but with a plain reading of the text, my fears are relieved. Understanding what the Bible really says, instead of trying to make it say what I want it to say, or picking out fragments to serve my biases, isn’t frustrating, it’s freeing. It’s freeing because I can trust God, I can trust His Word, and I can trust that He will do as He says, and will reward those who obey Him.
So does God really say that wives should submit to their husbands? Yes, yes He does.
Likewise, wives, [just as citizens to the emperor and servants to their masters] be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Now there are some interesting thoughts in here.
First, wives are to be subject, to submit to, their own husbands.
This is a curious statement. It may go without saying that wives are to submit to their own husband and not somebody else’s husband, but maybe we need to be reminded that Peter is not suggesting that all women should submit to all men.
Maybe we also need to be reminded that wives should reject the temptation to replace the leadership of their potentially less-than-spiritually-stellar husbands with the leadership of seemingly more enlightened or spiritually stronger men.
This is not to say that wives should not listen to sound teaching and instruction from God’s Word from men who are not their husbands, but there is always a danger of putting such teachers in a place in one’s heart that should be reserved only for one’s own spouse. This greatly threatens marriages and the ministry of teachers and pastors who are put in those places unwittingly.
The second interesting thought here is the powerful preaching of respectful and pure conduct.
Many a man has been won to Christ, not by constant nagging or guilt trips, but by the steady, faithful, reverent conduct of their wives. While certainly not my wife, my mom’s faithful morning devotions, with a cup of tea and her Daily Bread, was a testimony to me and was monumental in my walk with Christ.
Wives with believing husbands obviously have an advantage in this way because, if those husbands are faithful to God’s Word, those husbands lead under the authority of Christ and so, there is nothing to fear, no loss of dignity or respect because biblical submission has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority, just God assigned roles.
Peter’s next phrase may be one you’ve been looking forward to, I know I have…
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
This comes down to a question, “What did you just hear vs. what did I just read?”
Did you just hear, “The Bible says I shouldn’t wear jewelry, or braid my hair, or dress fashionably?” because that’s not what I read, because that’s not what the Bible says.
Peter’s point is to not let your adorning be external. Adorning is simply putting things on to make yourself beautiful. Peter’s warning is to not fall into the trap of believing that the external, perishable, worthless trifles are what really do that. True beauty is not external at all, but internal. True beauty is holiness. Peter doesn’t condemn every form of ornament, or hairstyle, or dress, what he condemns is vanity.
Matthew Henry wrote, “The ornaments of the body are destroyed by the moth, and perish in the using; but the grace of God, the longer we wear it, the brighter and better it is.”
He also said, “A true Christian’s chief care lies in the right ordering and commanding of his own spirit. Where the hypocrite’s work ends, there the true Christian’s work begins. The endowments of the inner man are the chief ornaments of a Christian; but especially a composed, calm, and quiet spirit, renders either man or woman beautiful and lovely.”
When I read, “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious,” did you hear that you wives have to just zip it, keep your thoughts to yourselves, the Bible says to be quiet?
Because that’s not what I read.
Let what makes you beautiful be on the inside not the outside. Let your beauty be that which the Spirit of God forms and develops in the secret workshop of your heart, a new way of thinking, feeling, and willing.
A gentle spirit is meek not weak, meek is simply strength under control which takes great strength. It is the opposite of self-will, pride, presumption, obstinacy, hardness, anger and envy.
A quiet spirit is also not a silent spirit. It’s not silence, it’s peaceful, tranquil, “He leads me beside quiet waters…” It’s not the absence of sound, it’s the presence of peace.
It’s this gentle, tranquil spirit that is very precious to God.
Peter gave us a wonderful example of this kind of gentle, quiet spirit from the Old Testament in the person of Sarah the wife of Abraham.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
The mark of the women of blessed memory is their hope in God, and they proved their hope through their submission to their husbands.
Think about the pattern of Sarah.
She showed her obedience by leaving her homeland with Abraham, relying on God’s promises to him.
She called Abraham “lord” and regarded him as such, you can read about that in Genesis 18.
Her obedience to her husband was rewarded by God when God commanded Abraham to listen to her and do as she said.
Being called “Sarah’s children,” would be easily understood as high praise by the believing Jewish women in Peter’s original audience. Doing good in this way was certainly evidence of their relation to Sarah. Having no fear to submit to their husbands in the face of things that are frightening was too.
Submission to their husbands in the face of fear was following in Sarah’s footsteps. Sarah’s trust in God was so great that she was not moved by the evil that she faced in the courts of Pharaoh and Abimelech. Peter’s admonition was to strive for the courage and strength of your ancestress!
But Peter’s instruction was not just to wives but to husbands as well.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Peter’s primary objective here was to make sure that husbands did not abuse the obedience of their wives. To live with their wives in an understanding way is to live according to knowledge, knowing yourself and your spouse and knowing your roles and the reality of why you have those roles and also the reality of knowing who we both are before God.
Husbands are to show honor to their wives, to respect them, the respect that they are due.
Now, when I said, “weaker vessel,” did you hear, “inferior vessel?”
Because that’s not what I read.
The word “asthenes,” means physically weaker, not mentally weaker, nor spiritually weaker, nor inferior in any way. This is not a matter of superiority or inferiority, but of diversity.
We are both vessels but we are both weak. JP Lange wrote, “As women’s weakness is relative, man also being a weak, frail vessel, he, mindful of his own weakness, ought the more readily sympathize with the weaker vessel.”
Man and woman are different, and that is a diversity worth celebrating, but in the eyes of God, as far as salvation and redemption are concerned, we are the same, we are co-heirs of the grace of life, co-heirs of God’s eternal kingdom through faith in Christ.
Lange also wrote, Woman becomes man’s equal in virtue of the gift of the grace of life accorded to and hoped for by both.”
We are both destined, by faith in Jesus Christ, to inherit the kingdom of God and eternal life.
As Paul wrote in Galatians 3:27-29, 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.
So, does submission find its root in superiority, does the New Testament teach inequality or inequity?
Quite the contrary! This passage proves the equality of husband and wife in virtue of the gift of God’s grace and emphasizes the respect and honor of diversity within the marriage covenant. True love is rooted in mutual esteem, flowing from the thought that both are children of God, purchased with the same precious blood of Christ and are coheirs of the kingdom of God.
And as far as hindered prayers are concerned, here are two quotes from Roos and Grotius:
“There is no room for prayer that may be answered where the husband despises and tyrannizes his wife and where a marriage is marred by discord.” And, harsh treatment leads to insult and strife, which hinder the power and efficacy of prayer.”
One more quote as we close…
In his book, Marriage Ring, Bishop Jeremy Taylor writes: “Marriage was ordained by God, instituted in paradise; the relief of a natural necessity, and the first blessing from the Lord. Marriage is a school and exercise of virtue. Here is the proper scene of piety and patience, of the duty of parents and the charity of relatives; here kindness is spread abroad, and love is united and made firm, as a centre. Marriage is the nursery of heaven, fills up the numbers of the elect, and hath in it the labours of love and the delicacies of friendship, the blessing of society and the union of hands and hearts. Marriage is the mother of the world, and preserves kingdoms, and fills cities, and churches, and heaven itself. Like the useful bee, marriage builds a house, and gathers sweetness from every flower, and labours, and unites into societies and republics, and sends out colonies, and feeds the world with delicacies, and obeys their king, and keeps order, and exercises many virtues, and promotes the interest of mankind, and is that state of good things to which God hath designed the present constitution of the world.”
…wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Amen
